If you are moving back in with your parents, you are probably doing it largely due to cash flow problems. The problem? Too much money flowing out, and not enough flowing in.
Most of us have too much debt (student loans+credit card debt), and we have major regrets about this debt. After college, one of my first major decisions was to pay off my debt and to never get back in to another financial situation like this. The first thing I did was to come up with a plan to start paying off my student loans. The second thing I did was cut up my credit card, and vow to never use it again.
The first decision was a smart one, and the second one was a huge mistake. Luckily, I learned that it was and successfully got my credit card reissued. Here's why:
My credit score.
If you have a poor history with credit card payments, then you need to keep using them to improve your poor credit. The worst thing you can do for your credit is to have a year or two of late payments and maxed out credit, and then pay them off and never use them again. This signals to the credit agencies that you are not to be trusted. This will destroy your chances of ever getting a car loan, a home loan, a business loan, and possibly even another credit card.
So instead, I vowed to pay off my credit card, and then only use it to pay for expense: gas. Then each month, I will pay it off completely before any interest is charged. In a year or so, my credit will be much improved.
No matter what you do, don't call up and cancel your account. This will make your credit even worse, and your balance will go straight to collections.
Here's a breakdown of credit score from Studentomics.com:
35% Payment history. Your ability to make credit payments when you’re expected to.
30% Amounts owed. How much credit you owe compared to how much money is available on all of your accounts.
15% Duration of credit history. How long have you had credit available to you? How long have you been paying your credit card balance off on time?
10% Recent credit. The amount of new credit available to you compared to credit that you’ve had in the past. Closing down a credit card can affect your credit score in the short term at this level.
10% Sources of credit. This is based on the different types of credit that you have used over the years.
If you are still tempted to use your credit card, keep it at home, in a sealed envelope in your filing cabinet. Some people even keep theirs frozen in a block of ice in the freezer.
Just whatever you do, don't cut it up and cancel your account. Your future self will thank you.
What has your experience been with credit cards?
Let me know in the comments.
Good luck!
Philip
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
How to Live With Your Parents (Week 2)
Here are some tips for keeping the peace at your parents' house:
1) Don't let you parents see you waste too much time
Try not to waste much time on your computer or TV, but if you can’t help yourself, then at least try to stay out of public spaces when you are playing Farmville. It will help your cause and keep them off your back if the assumption is that you have all of your shit together and don’t need any supervision or prodding. If your parents have jobs, then you can use this time to watch dumb TV, but don’t flaunt it while they are around. It will be very easy for them to return to old habits of treating you like a teenager, and that will be very bad for your morale. And you’re going to need that stuff.
But seriously, this isn't summer vacation. If you plan to get out of here soon, there are a million ways to make it happen, and any of them would be a better use of your time than random web surfing, watching TV, or aimlessly chatting with people at home.
2) Help out more than your "fair share", but at clearly defined times and in clearly designated roles
This one is important. Since you are probably living rent-free (we’ll discuss finances and living arrangements next week) it’s going to be very important to decide how and when you will do “favors” for your parents. Of course, this will depend on the particulars of your situation, but more than likely you will be getting a lot of requests to drop off a stack of books at the library, or pick up carrots for the pot roast, or to pick up your Mom’s friend from daycare., or to be home from 12-3 to make sure the washing-machine repairman is let in the house.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do these things. But I am saying that the solid blocks of time that you envisioned when you made the decision to move back in with your parents will be constantly interrupted by small requests and favors by those that provide for you.
Understand that you are the one with the freest schedule, so you are now the low man on the totem-pole. It will be important for you to set some guidelines for your time management, so that you maintain some level of control over your schedule.
All that said, there is a lot of value in nodding, putting down whatever you are working on and simply doing the requested action. You must remember that you are the guest in their household now, and it is your job to keep the peace and remain welcome.
The real trick is to do more than expected, but on your own terms. Then you can slowly start to reject the small requests, especially the unplanned ones. It helps to make out-of-the-home commitments every day around the time that most last-minute requests occur (4-7PM for most people who work 9-5 jobs). Start keeping an “interruption log” and fill it out whenever someone interrupts you *example below*.
So plan on going to the library from 3:30-6:30 every day to work on job applications. To be even more effective, walk/bike/bus there, so you can’t pick up groceries/whatever on your way home. Try to put yourself in positions where it simply wouldn’t make sense for your parents to ask you to do a task. This will reduce the amount of requests you have to deny, and it will free up your schedule. Most importantly, it will make the time you set aside to work DISTRACTION_FREE TIME, and the realization that this time is valuble might spur you into action more effectively than simply “working on it in your spare time”.
But for this to work, you have to do big, concrete things around the house that your parents will actually remember. I understand that “Big, Concrete Things” is a pretty vague statement, so I will give you a few examples of BCTs that you can do that will ultimately free up your schedule:
A) Cooking a 8X batch of a gourmet meal that you already know your parents like, serving it to them that evening, and then freezing the other portions for quick meals-on-the-go.
B) Cleaning a bathroom, completely.
C) Detailing the family car
D) Doing the weekly grocery shopping, getting only things on “the list”
E) Doing the one thing that your Mom/Dad always wants done, but it somehow never seems to get done often enough (there’s always at least one thing)
These things will make a disproportionate impression on your parents. One hour spent cleaning the bathroom is a lot more visible and memorable than running to the store to get a few onions.
Sometimes you will have to take a stand and say, “No, I will not do this thing this time.” Make sure that you weigh the costs and benefits of doing this. Also try to provide an alternative, a reason for your rejection, and a plan for the future, where this conflict will not occur because of X, Y, and Z. Then get out of there, your job is done.
3.) Spend at least some "fun time" with your parents, even if you don't want to.
Imagine that you just moved in with a roommate. You have been friends for a long time and know each other quite well, but you have never lived with one another. When they got home from work, wouldn’t it be a bit strange if you didn’t at least spend some time bullshitting with them about how their day went? The same courtesy needs to be paid to your parents. Go one further and spend at least an hour each day hanging out with them in a “fun” way. If you have a TV show that you like to watch, this is a good way to watch it while still not “wasting” the time. I know, I know. There are only so many hours in the day, and you want to get out of here. Still, try to imagine your parents as roommates now, and be courteous. Talk to them a little bit, and even hang out once in awhile. It will help your relationship.
4) Mirror your parents' sleep/wake schedule
If you’re like me, you like to wake up around 10AM. Unfortunately, however productive you are during your waking hours, you will always come across as lazy to a morning person. They either tell you (or silently judge you) as a less productive, industrious person. Sometimes this will be true, if you are spending the wee hours of the night watching TV or doing random web surfing. Nighttime is very conducive to this sort of thing, but it is also one of the best times to bust out some serious work.
I like working on projects at night, because I can be almost guaranteed to have ZERO distractions, and if I’m feeling inspired I can work for as long as I like. While living at home, though, you should sleep as the Romans sleep.
Have you ever lived with someone who got out of bed later than you? What was your impression of that person? You will score huge ‘productivity’ points with your parents if you can just wake up 2 hours earlier than you normally would (even if you are just as productive as you were on your later schedule).
5) Limit your alcohol/drugs intake
I’m not your mother, and I don’t intend on becoming her. But if I was her, I would be concerned whenever a beer touched your lips.
The thing to realize is that your parents really do have your best interests at heart here. To them, you probably seem slightly depressed (and you may or may not be), but to the culture at large, moving back in with your parents seems like a backwards step in life. You will have a lot to prove to everyone if you want to claim otherwise.
Now, I understand that you have probably become accustomed to college life, where you have probably been drinking a bit, and maybe smoking some weed, cigarettes, or something of the sort. I would suggest cutting it out for a while. If you continue to drink/use drugs, just know that you should keep it on the super down-low. Their concern is understandable.
That's it for this week. Let me know if these tips help you. Good luck, everybody.
Also, I found a book that was recently written. It's a cheap Kindle, and might be worth a look. It's called "The Almost Painless way to move back in with your parents".
Cheers,
Philip
1) Don't let you parents see you waste too much time
Try not to waste much time on your computer or TV, but if you can’t help yourself, then at least try to stay out of public spaces when you are playing Farmville. It will help your cause and keep them off your back if the assumption is that you have all of your shit together and don’t need any supervision or prodding. If your parents have jobs, then you can use this time to watch dumb TV, but don’t flaunt it while they are around. It will be very easy for them to return to old habits of treating you like a teenager, and that will be very bad for your morale. And you’re going to need that stuff.
But seriously, this isn't summer vacation. If you plan to get out of here soon, there are a million ways to make it happen, and any of them would be a better use of your time than random web surfing, watching TV, or aimlessly chatting with people at home.
2) Help out more than your "fair share", but at clearly defined times and in clearly designated roles
This one is important. Since you are probably living rent-free (we’ll discuss finances and living arrangements next week) it’s going to be very important to decide how and when you will do “favors” for your parents. Of course, this will depend on the particulars of your situation, but more than likely you will be getting a lot of requests to drop off a stack of books at the library, or pick up carrots for the pot roast, or to pick up your Mom’s friend from daycare., or to be home from 12-3 to make sure the washing-machine repairman is let in the house.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do these things. But I am saying that the solid blocks of time that you envisioned when you made the decision to move back in with your parents will be constantly interrupted by small requests and favors by those that provide for you.
Understand that you are the one with the freest schedule, so you are now the low man on the totem-pole. It will be important for you to set some guidelines for your time management, so that you maintain some level of control over your schedule.
All that said, there is a lot of value in nodding, putting down whatever you are working on and simply doing the requested action. You must remember that you are the guest in their household now, and it is your job to keep the peace and remain welcome.
The real trick is to do more than expected, but on your own terms. Then you can slowly start to reject the small requests, especially the unplanned ones. It helps to make out-of-the-home commitments every day around the time that most last-minute requests occur (4-7PM for most people who work 9-5 jobs). Start keeping an “interruption log” and fill it out whenever someone interrupts you *example below*.
So plan on going to the library from 3:30-6:30 every day to work on job applications. To be even more effective, walk/bike/bus there, so you can’t pick up groceries/whatever on your way home. Try to put yourself in positions where it simply wouldn’t make sense for your parents to ask you to do a task. This will reduce the amount of requests you have to deny, and it will free up your schedule. Most importantly, it will make the time you set aside to work DISTRACTION_FREE TIME, and the realization that this time is valuble might spur you into action more effectively than simply “working on it in your spare time”.
But for this to work, you have to do big, concrete things around the house that your parents will actually remember. I understand that “Big, Concrete Things” is a pretty vague statement, so I will give you a few examples of BCTs that you can do that will ultimately free up your schedule:
A) Cooking a 8X batch of a gourmet meal that you already know your parents like, serving it to them that evening, and then freezing the other portions for quick meals-on-the-go.
B) Cleaning a bathroom, completely.
C) Detailing the family car
D) Doing the weekly grocery shopping, getting only things on “the list”
E) Doing the one thing that your Mom/Dad always wants done, but it somehow never seems to get done often enough (there’s always at least one thing)
These things will make a disproportionate impression on your parents. One hour spent cleaning the bathroom is a lot more visible and memorable than running to the store to get a few onions.
Sometimes you will have to take a stand and say, “No, I will not do this thing this time.” Make sure that you weigh the costs and benefits of doing this. Also try to provide an alternative, a reason for your rejection, and a plan for the future, where this conflict will not occur because of X, Y, and Z. Then get out of there, your job is done.
3.) Spend at least some "fun time" with your parents, even if you don't want to.
Imagine that you just moved in with a roommate. You have been friends for a long time and know each other quite well, but you have never lived with one another. When they got home from work, wouldn’t it be a bit strange if you didn’t at least spend some time bullshitting with them about how their day went? The same courtesy needs to be paid to your parents. Go one further and spend at least an hour each day hanging out with them in a “fun” way. If you have a TV show that you like to watch, this is a good way to watch it while still not “wasting” the time. I know, I know. There are only so many hours in the day, and you want to get out of here. Still, try to imagine your parents as roommates now, and be courteous. Talk to them a little bit, and even hang out once in awhile. It will help your relationship.
4) Mirror your parents' sleep/wake schedule
If you’re like me, you like to wake up around 10AM. Unfortunately, however productive you are during your waking hours, you will always come across as lazy to a morning person. They either tell you (or silently judge you) as a less productive, industrious person. Sometimes this will be true, if you are spending the wee hours of the night watching TV or doing random web surfing. Nighttime is very conducive to this sort of thing, but it is also one of the best times to bust out some serious work.
I like working on projects at night, because I can be almost guaranteed to have ZERO distractions, and if I’m feeling inspired I can work for as long as I like. While living at home, though, you should sleep as the Romans sleep.
Have you ever lived with someone who got out of bed later than you? What was your impression of that person? You will score huge ‘productivity’ points with your parents if you can just wake up 2 hours earlier than you normally would (even if you are just as productive as you were on your later schedule).
5) Limit your alcohol/drugs intake
I’m not your mother, and I don’t intend on becoming her. But if I was her, I would be concerned whenever a beer touched your lips.
The thing to realize is that your parents really do have your best interests at heart here. To them, you probably seem slightly depressed (and you may or may not be), but to the culture at large, moving back in with your parents seems like a backwards step in life. You will have a lot to prove to everyone if you want to claim otherwise.
Now, I understand that you have probably become accustomed to college life, where you have probably been drinking a bit, and maybe smoking some weed, cigarettes, or something of the sort. I would suggest cutting it out for a while. If you continue to drink/use drugs, just know that you should keep it on the super down-low. Their concern is understandable.
That's it for this week. Let me know if these tips help you. Good luck, everybody.
Also, I found a book that was recently written. It's a cheap Kindle, and might be worth a look. It's called "The Almost Painless way to move back in with your parents".
Cheers,
Philip
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Moving in with your Parents (Week 1)
So, you've made the decision. You're moving in! Here are some tips for the first week:
1) Pick a new room of the house, if this is at all possible.
If you haven’t yet moved in just yet, you may be saying to yourself, “Why? I loved my room in high school!” You just proved my point. Think of some other things you liked in high school. Cargo shorts, Sufjan Stevens and Volkswagen bugs probably aren't at the top of your list any more. But the main reason is that it is depressing to live in the same room you did back then. It feels like you've gone nowhere (when in reality you really did go somewhere, and then come back.) Hopefully your parents have moved into a new house since you left home. If not, at least try to change it up a bit. Redecorate. Throw out you old “The Strokes” posters. You’re a different person than you were then, and your living space should reflect that.
2) Be a Lone Wolf
Regardless of how social you consider yourself, you will do better to fly solo for a little while. Social situations are going to be awkward for the complete duration of time that you are still living at your parents house, especially if you are unemployed. Social situations often lead to meeting new people... and if the introduction gets any further than your name, it’s probably going to get to the point where you will have to answer a question that you would prefer to just grunt to.
I found that it killed my confidence every time that I had to explain my situation to a complete stranger... so unless you like to make up elaborate lies, keep your friend group small and don’t let them drag you to any parties. Also, as a side note, friends are expensive. They will often want to do things like eating at restaurants, seeing movies in theaters, and drinking alcohol at bars. None of these things will help you move out of your parents house.
3) Plan an Exit Strategy
How long do you want to spend living at your parents house? This sounds like a silly question at first, but give it some serious thought. If you don’t watch it, you might end up spending a lot longer there then you intend. Try to set a deadline, and discuss it with your parents. You might even want to consider writing a formal contract with them.
Don't necessarily just jump to the conclusion that spending a year at home is the right amount of time. There is nothing magical about 365 days, and you might not be pushing yourself hard enough. Visualize the time that you will spend with your parents, and what you want to get accomplished during that time. Will it really take 12, 9, or 6 months? If you are saving money, how long will that take?
These questions will force you to really think about how long you will need to live at your parents house. If you are going back to school, you may not have much of an income for the next 2-4 years, and it’s possible that you might be living with your parents for all that time. If that seems likely, then admit it to yourself and move on.
Those are the tips for today. Let me know how your experience at home is going.
Philip
Friday, February 1, 2013
Mission Statement for How To Move Back In With Your Parents
You probably never imagined your future like this.
Regardless, here you are, joining the ranks of the "boomarang children", "adultolescences". Grateful to your parents for taking you back in, but bitter at the world for letting it come to this. Vowing to GTFO in less than a year, but without much of an action plan to get you there.
This blog is dedicated to you. I'm going to make recommendations for how to spend your time. These recommendations seek to achieve one of two goals:
a) Keep the peace at home, and make your time living at home as enjoyable as possible
b) Minimize the overall amount of time that you have to spend living with your parents
However bad it gets, I'll be right there with you...
Cheers,
Philip
Regardless, here you are, joining the ranks of the "boomarang children", "adultolescences". Grateful to your parents for taking you back in, but bitter at the world for letting it come to this. Vowing to GTFO in less than a year, but without much of an action plan to get you there.
This blog is dedicated to you. I'm going to make recommendations for how to spend your time. These recommendations seek to achieve one of two goals:
a) Keep the peace at home, and make your time living at home as enjoyable as possible
b) Minimize the overall amount of time that you have to spend living with your parents
However bad it gets, I'll be right there with you...
Cheers,
Philip
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